Bowl of Soup with Blog Title The Forgiving Food
Marriage,  Relationships

The Forgiving Food

By Kristy Horine on @deenamadams

Today’s post comes to you from my online writer friend, Kristy Horine. If you struggle with a broken relationship in your life, I pray her willingness to share her pain will help lead you to a place of forgiveness .

Line Divider

“Again?” 

It was the only thing I could say as I watched my husband stumble through the door. Disappointment, anger, and an overwhelming despair clenched at my gut. This had been my life for over a decade. The absences, the denials, the stench, the thick-tongued slur, the obvious diminished faculties. 

I didn’t follow him into the bedroom that night. I didn’t make sure he was safe from toppling over and causing himself harm. I didn’t listen for him choking on his own vomit. I had children who were sick with deep-chested springtime colds to take care of and he was so drunk he didn’t even notice. 

Then, like so many times before, he had a few sober days.

He went to the grocery and filled a basket with microwavable cups of macaroni and cheese, a whole case of chicken noodle soup, clear bubbly soda, boxes of crackers in various shapes and flavors, and chocolate.  

When he returned to the house, he never made eye contact, only set the bags on the kitchen counter and said, “Here’s some Feel Good Food.” 

I don’t know if it was guilt or love that compelled him to make that trip to the store. I only know it was a tiny piece of grace and mercy in the abyss of alcoholism that would result in divorce and brokenness in our family. 

Fast-forward eight years and my girls hunched around a different kitchen table, just shy of too-miserable-to-move.

In between sniffles, coughs, and groans, they took small bites of the Feel Good Food spread before them. As I watched them savor the morsels, I wondered if they remembered the history behind the comfort food? If I told them, what would it prove? What would it change? 

Yet, if I didn’t tell them, would I withhold an opportunity for them to experience healing and to forgive the man who continued to bring pain and brokenness into their lives? 

Just six months before, their dad had been arrested on yet another DUI charge, this time with aggravated charges stacked beside it. His attorney drew out the trial with continuance after continuance.

It was hard enough to get through the teen years with functional parents, let alone carry the worry and uncertainty that accompanied having an alcoholic dad. 

In the middle of this internal battle came a gentle reminder of Proverbs 12:18, “The tongue of the wise brings healing.” Who better to put aside pride, sorrow, pain and fear? Who better to model wisdom, understanding and forgiveness?

The Lord had brought me so far. He delivered me from a spirit of despair into a place of peace. He gave me the power and the courage to forgive.

CLICK TO TWEET: I knew I had forgiven their father when I could sincerely pray for his healing and restoration.

I wanted my girls to experience the freedom of forgiving someone who had wronged them. 

I took a sip of my coffee and offered a silent, rapid prayer. God, help. I took a deep breath and began.

“Do you remember the first time you had Feel Good Food?” 

Intrigued, the girls played a guessing game, listing family and friends and people from church. When they had exhausted their guesses, I spread my hands on the table beside my cup. 

“Your dad did,” I said. 

The girls froze and looked, first at one another, and then back at me.

The dad who couldn’t get past his addiction to call or text them? The dad who not once came to their school plays and their choir ensembles? The dad who didn’t bother to ask about their days, or their grades, or their lives, even though he lived just one county over? That dad? He came up with Feel Good Food? 

“You were very little. You were sick. He went to the store.”

They were the only words I could push out at that point. Yet, somehow, they were enough. 

“I don’t remember the good things about him,” the eldest said. 

“It’s hard to remember those. But I really think your dad had something good and sweet and loving in him that day. I think he really did want you to feel good again,” I said. “And, we want that for your dad now, too.” 

The girls finished their Feel Good Food, rose to hug me and whisper thanks into my hair. As I cleaned up the dishes and the crumbs, I thought of the broken that had been mended in my heart and, hopefully, in theirs.

Even though my girls didn’t see the love of their dad at that moment, they knew they had felt it once. 

To this day, their father remains an unrepentant alcoholic. No great restoration of relationship. No making up for lost time. Yet, around a kitchen table, with a story, Feel Good Food transformed into Forgiving Food, each bite delivering a generous helping of healing and a reminder:

Still forgive; still pray; still hope.  

Join the conversation. How has God enabled you to forgive someone who’s wronged you? Do you regularly pray for the healing and restoration of a loved one who has hurt you?

If you’d like to read more about forgiveness, check out the Barrick Family’s story.

Kristy Horine is an award-winning Kentucky writer: journalist by trade; creative by grace. Throughout her professional career, she has served in many capacities from executive director presiding over writing events, to writer, editor, teacher and student. Kristy writes the monthly Mom’s Minute for the Northeast Christian Church’s Women’s Ministry Newsletter in Lexington, KY. She currently serves on the Executive Board of the Kentucky Christian Writers Conference (KCWC) and as the Ohio Valley Zone Director for the American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW). She founded 3rd Letter Christian Writers in Lexington, Ky in 2015. 

She makes her home in Paris, Kentucky with her husband, four children, and a variety of cats, dogs and chickens. Her desire is to be found faithful with her writing and speak with all boldness of the grace of Christ.  Contact Kristy via email at kristyhorine@gmail.com.

Connect with Kristy:

Blog

Twitter

8 Comments

  • Tracy Crump

    I think I’ve heard your story before, Kristy, and it never fails to touch me. My grandmother was an alcoholic, and it saddened me that she ruined her life with drink. I’m glad you didn’t allow it to ruin your girls’ lives. So glad you’re continuing to pray for your ex-husband’s salvation.

    • Deena Adams

      Thanks for joining the conversation, Tracy. Sorry I’m late in responding. For some reason, I received no emails for comments on this post. So sad about your grandmother, and all those who struggle with alcoholism.

  • Traci

    My 1st husband was and continues to be an alcoholic. I have forgiven him, shared the gospel with him, and told my boys (now 27 & 24) that I continue to pray for his salvation. I never brought up the alcoholism to them when they were younger, I knew it would just be a matter of time before they figured it out on their own. They are both relatively estranged from him at this time, and I pray for restoration through Jesus.
    Thank you for your boldness to share your story of forgiveness in a challenging situation.

    • Kristy Horine

      Thank you, Traci, for sharing a part of your story. When my heart turned toward restoration instead of resentment, the Lord moved in a good and gentle way there. While I wouldn’t want to repeat that part of my life, I am thankful for God’s mercy and grace.

    • Deena Adams

      Traci, I pray with you for your ex-husband’s salvation and deliverance from alcohol. God is able! Thanks for joining the conversation. Love ya.

  • Teresa Moyer

    Alcoholism runs in both sides of my family. I have seen its destruction. My mom never drank because of it and my dad was not a big drinker thankfully. But i saw the effects of it aunts and uncles and cousins. None of those people are still alive today. So glad you chose to tell the story of the feel good food to the kids so they had a chance to see a part of someone they did not know.

    • Kristy Horine

      Teresa, there is some serious destruction with alcoholism, and I’m sorry you’ve witnessed that in your family. My ex husband is still alive, there is still a chance for reconciliation with his children and – most importantly – with God. I still pray to that end. Thanks for sharing.

    • Deena Adams

      Thanks for sharing, Teresa. Alcoholism is so prevalent in our culture. May God have mercy and help deliver those caught in it’s clutches. Thankful your parents didn’t succumb to it.

%d bloggers like this: